in the past, i would usually let jealousy eat me up alive and then my brain would give me a ballisticly ridiculous idea to prove them, that i am just as successful as them. but no. things would always backfire and the end of the day, i would always be happy with my own results, telling myself, why did i ever planned on that in the first place?

then, the same thing would come up again, on and on. and better still, i didnt get sick of it. there's something about me. that majority of the people who, probably hates me right now, that, i, myself hate it; i'm a big fan of jealousy. you got that right. i get, easily jealous. not intimidated, but just jealous. let me tell you why it isnt intimidation. if i feel intimidated, i'd prolly do something that even strangers from the net knows how much of an attention seeking whore, i am. and that is what, i am not. i'll admit, being successful is the sweetest revenge a woman can do and the fact that it eats me up alive, from the inside, disgust me. i really want to stop all this.

i can have so much hate towards you just because you made me angry and trust me, i can screw you up the same. unfortunately, that wont give me much acquired pleasure that i seek. call me a psycho. i wont give you a penny. sorry.

it makes me sad, knowing that other people around you, are actually doing something stupid and you know that you can see right pass through them. they're just the same like you. building up walls around themselves because they dont want anyone to know how sore their heart is and the wounds that arent getting any better. we're the same but different. you do utterly useless things to make your life look like you're back on the stable ground, just being happy with whatever you're doing and moving on and you know, that deep down, you want to be the direct opposite. where on the other hand, your friend's doing what you should've been doing in the beginning. but she gets all the attention, the fame, the "i dont give a fuck about the world", the aura that you, YOU, have been dreaming off. the only reason why you're not in her shoes, is because you were afraid to show the world who you truly are deep down. so now, you're just right here. reading up on what was meant to be you, was me, as well.

we've sinned and we're humans. so, it doesnt really create a harm there. we're born to make mistakes and for some people, to create more mistakes until you get the idea that whatever you're doing is wrong. all of us have failed but i'm pretty sure that the majority of us didnt stop trying. it's about the same solution for every problem.

and we have fell. hit rock bottom. with no one handing a helping hand.

in which, we struggle. because we want to stand.

again. on this same solid ground.

then you realise, it was also a success that you've been dreaming of.

because through out all the ordeal, you were alone.



goodnight, readers. xoxo